Gallowville - Act one, Scene two - Prof. Green
Enter The Narrator, before the curtain, again wreathed in shadow (as he always is henceforth).The Narrator: And so it was that poor unknowing Clarky went off in search of a pub, a short while before this at the command centre of The Foul One it was breakfast time...
Exit stage left. Curtain up.
The scene is that of a room with many computers, plates lie ransacked of any food they may have contained; several have teeth marks around the edges. Galloway sits in a large (ok huge) chair constructed of leather, steel and reinforced concrete near one of the computers. He pauses from playing some strange game only to gorge himself on M.E.A.T. pies.
Galloway: Damn this game, it‘s just too difficult. What am us to do?
(Enter The Manipulative Voice)
The Manipulative Voice: Yesss, we are all here aren‘t we my worthlessss. We will tell you what to do.
(Laughs evilly under his breath)
Galloway: Please help me to finish the game, “Students 2: The Need for Weed” is just too hard.
The Manipulative Voice: I wouldn‘t know anything about that, but I will tell you how to make yourself feel better. First throw away that game, give it to the fools on the street out there; it‘s impossible to finish. Next, cancel Christmas its all their fault you have the game in the first place, and hence why you feel miserable. And lastly, have your self another M.E.A.T. pie. (To audience) Well one more wont kill him, but we can try anyway.
Exit stage left.
Galloway: Yes, Actually I have all these great ideas. No wonder I‘m in charge of the world now.
Enter Sadam, dressed in a frilly pink maid‘s outfit for Galloway‘s pleasure. He is carrying a large tray of M.E.A.T. pies, a bundle of letters and a small package.
Sadam: Hello and Good morning Lord Galloway. I have here with me a package, some letters and the thirtieth course of your breakfast.
Galloway: Give me my bloody breakfast you towel head bastard! Come on, come on I have to cancel Christmas everything is the fault of them out there.
(Points out the window.)
Sadam: Ye...
Galloway: Don‘t you dare interrupt me you little shit! Actually I destroyed Iraq myself. Any way tell them that Christmas is cancelled and actually I still want all my presents so give me my package and letters.
Sadam hands the letter and package over to Galloway, who then proceeds to sort through them.
Galloway: Right, let‘s see. Bill, bill, bill, death threat, bill. Hmm, What‘s this?
(Opens the letter and reads it aloud.)
Galloway: “Dear sir, you have been hand selected from billions of subscribers to the Christian faith to take part in the next apocalypse.” Sounds good to me. “You have been selected to play the part of one of The Four Horsemen, that of Famine because you‘re a great big fat bastard and we hate you. Sincerely Yours, The Rebels.”
(Galloway turns purple with rage.)
Galloway: Those little shits! When I get my hands on them I‘m going to have them put in MY Mincer.
Sadam: I thought some mad bloke built it.
Galloway: And as for you, if you don‘t get out of my sight now I‘ll put you in MY Mincer.
(Exit stage right Sadam, muttering on about the good old days when he was the Evilest thing since freeze dried small pox.)
Galloway: And don‘t come back until lunchtime!
(Enter The Sarcastic and Paranoid Voices, Sarcastic is laughing mockingly)
The Sarcastic voice: Those rebels got you again didn‘t they? Nothing but a useless overweight fool are you?
Galloway: Shut up! Go away! I wont stand for it I rule the world you know.
The Sarcastic voice: Ah what a fool you are. I‘m in you‘re head, I‘m no more real than your Weight Watchers membership card, none of Us are.
The Paranoid Voice: They‘re all out to get you. The rebels, the public, why even Sadam wants to usurp your power.
EnterManipulative Voice
The Manipulative Voice: There‘s only one thing to do: Enforce your will on those fools every day. Make them obey you or face being minced.
The Paranoid Voice: Yes, and you haven‘t even opened the package yet. It could be anything, a cabbage on a stick, a healthy eating guide, even a Slim Fast shake. The list goes on and on...
(Galloway has broken out in a cold sweat and is shivering)
Galloway: No, no! Take it away! Help me, you must.
The Sarcastic voice: Of course we‘ll help you. Into an early grave that is.
(Sarcastic chuckles at His own wit.)
The Paranoid Voice: Of course I‘ll help you. We need to get these other two out first though, spies the pair of them.
(Exit Sarcastic and Manipulative.)
The Paranoid Voice: Now here‘s what we‘re going to do my friend...
Exeunt. Curtain down.
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