Signs Your Not Going to be F1 Champion. - The Businessman

1: Your British.
2: Your teammate is a Mr M Schumacher.
3: You drive a Volvo 440 (a wine red one).
4: You don't have a penis.
5: It took you ten tries to pass your driving test and in the end you only got your license as you let your brother take it whilst wearing a clever wig based disguise.
6: You don't have Cancersticks Inc sponsoring you to the tune of $50 billion.
7: All those steroids you take may give you a nice shiny coat but won't help in motor racing.
8: You want to go round the track by belt travellator.
9: You spend all your time making up stupid lists instead of testing/examining the track/sabotaging your opponents brakes.
10: At pit stops you drive into the local Kwik Fit. Where rathar than changing all your tyres and pumping gallons of fuel all in 14.2 secs. The grease monkey suddenly claims that your drive shaft mecambulatoring warp core is wrong and it will cost you £2456, parts and 5 days to fix it. And in the end it costs £45689, he (or she not here to judge) uses no new parts and it takes 4 weeks to fix. Then in the next race at Hockenheim your car falls into fucking bits at the first corner, bursts into flames, flies off over the crowd crashing into Herr Pumperknicel's Hydrochloric Acid factory. So you end up burned up, acidfied and every bone in your body broke (even those little ear bones).
11: Norwich Union won't "Quote You Happy".

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